Learning to say "Tough Luck" (Warning: post kinda long)

This last weekend was a rough one for me. If its one thing I've never been really good at, it's confrontation. I will go out of my way to try to please people and not make them angry with me. I hate the feeling I get when I let people down or have to tell them "No" and really mean it. Predictably this has made me something of a human carpet. It's quite easy for manipulators to scout out my weakness and use it to their advantage, especially if they are outwardly endearing people.

Last Friday, I had to tell a guy in my learning team at school that he had been kicked out of the group. He had missed two team meetings and also missed a class in which a presentation was due. As a result I had to give my side of the presentation (it was a intra-group debate) all by myself. It looked shoddy and unprepared and how I got an 'A' on it I'll never know. At our team meeting on the following Thursday, a great deal of time was spent discussing his dismissal from our team. I, of course, defended him saying that it was too close to the final project's due date to leave him twisting like that. It was of little use arguing however, consensus was reached and the guy had to go.

The following Friday, I got a e-mail from the guy. He apologized for his truancy, explaining that he took a new job and that they were working him pretty hard. He then asked me about our final project and what his part would be in it. I sighed, hit the "reply" button on Outlook and stared at the empty window on the computer screen for what seemed like forever. Finally I just did it. I congratulated him on the new job and told him that due to his excessive absences he was no longer on the team. I outlined a list of broken promises and missed appointments he had neglected and how we felt that we could no longer count on him as a result. I gave him the numbers of a few other teams in our class and said that perhaps he could join another team in time for the final presentation. I concluded by saying that we weren't trying to punish him or teach him a lesson, that it was all "just business" and how we needed people that we could count on at this stage of the game. Finally finished, I looked it over a few minutes, made some corrections where it sounded too harsh (wussy boy sensitivo that I am) and sent the bad news through cyberspace.

I was a bit nervous that night. I tossed and turned for what seemed like hours. What if he comes to class, looking to start something? What if he screams me down in class? What will I say when/if I see him? What if he starts crying? Stupid, unproductive stuff like that ran through my mind until three in the morning. I pushed it to the side and finally managed to get some sleep.

The next afternoon, I found a handwritten message on my door. No it wasn't the guy we kicked out, it was a letter from a gentleman that the deacons had been assisting for some time now. We had been getting disgruntled with the nature of our relationship with him; he never showed up for worship and when he did it was only to ask for money. Also, the pastor of the church that we rented space from also let us know that the same guy had pulled the same shenanigans with their diakonate as well.

I groaned as I read, yep looks like he needs more money. I knew this wasn't going to go over big with the deacons and sure enough, the next morning, a decision was made to stop assisiting him until he made some effort to be accountable to a local body.

Later that Sunday afternoon, he came by, looking to see if I got the note. I replied that I did and I took a big breath. I listened intently as he laid out the all too familiar sob story. I took a gulp and slowly explained that the deacons were focusing their regular giving ministry only to the members and regular attenders of our church and that as a result we were unable to continue providing help. There was a moment of silence, which he broke. He said that he understood where we were coming from and then asked us just to pray for his health condition. I said that we were more than happy to do that and that he was invited to join our Men's prayer breakfast and the prayer meeting of our church so that we could do that as a body for him. He hemmed and hawed and gave me the "we'll see's" and "maybe's" of non-commitment. He left and I went inside and collapsed on the couch exhausted. Second time I had to burst someone's bubble in the last 24 hours. I giggled as my dark sense of humor started to wonder whose hopes I could crush next.

At any rate, Monday came and with it, the final presentation for our class. Twenty minutes into the class, the truant shows up with a big smile. He engages in polite but strained chatter from the rest of my group until he finally sees me (wrestling with a video projector for the Powerpoint part of our presentation) and comes over. My spine chills up and my blood turns cold; "What's in store now?" I wonder.

So he sits down and explains that he doesn't blame either myself or the rest of the group for what happened and that we were right for dismissing him. Frankly, I'm speechless! I kind of nod my head and smile saying that I hope there's no hard feelings to which he says no. He then goes on to explain his responsibilities at his new job which includes going through personell files, creating databases and spreadsheets, all the good stuff that comes with being a manager. I nod, half-listening to him and half-trying to fix the video projector. There's a moment of silence and then he says that he's looking for a few good supervisors and that he'd like for me to come down to the plant and take a look around.

Oh, no he isn't...he's not doing what I think he's doing is he???

I tell the instructor that we're good to go on the projector and we start the presentation.

As I'm leaving, Patty, one of the girls in my learning team, and one of Truant's harshest critics, comes up to me with an incredulous look on her face. I give her a knowing smile and she gets wide-eyed. "You too?" she exclaims. "Yeah...at least I think so, I'm not exactly sure." I respond. "Did he offer to double what you make now?" she asks. I bark a laugh of amazement, "No! Frickin'! Way! He seriously told you that?". She offers some mumbled profanity, "That jerk, how dare he try this." She grits her teeth, face turning crimson, the tears start to well, "How dare he try to buy his way back in, I mean where's the respect?" she hisses. I can only shake my head. Other than my mom buying me toys so I would shut the hell up, I've really never been bribed before. No sir, it doesn't feel good at all. "So, what did you say?" I ask. "I told him no ****ing way and to go to hell." she replies. "Well, there's no ambiguity there, huh?" I roar with laughter. We renew our vows to make the group "truant-free" and say our goodbyes.

So that was my weekend. All in all, I'm glad I took the initiative and dismissed these people myself rather than passing the buck to some other team member or deacon. Confrontation is something that I've had to confront for awhile now and it actually felt good to know that when it came time to, I could tell people to get out of Dodge.

Man, this was a long post.

One of the best lines in movie history.

"What you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul." - Principal, Billy Madison.