If one should ever reach the end of the internet, I bet it would look something like this.

Best music video I've seen in a while. Turn up the speakers!!

Ahem...testing 1,2,3...

Good..this place is still around.

Well, where have I been the last few days you ask? It's all a blur unfortunately. I think it started somewhere with a trip to Ikea for bunkbeds and nearly ended with a trip to the emergency room. Which really is how all trips to Ikea generally end for me. Ego-stroking, How-postmodern-am-I references to Palahniuk aside, I think that Ikea is just dandy. Some of the stuff is butt-ugly (lime green blenders?) but you really can't beat the prices. What I love the most at Ikea are the little living room or kitchen scenes that they have set up with signs proclaiming "Own this {name of room} for just $500". I couldn't believe the thoughts that were starting to run though my head. "What? Glass and iron bookcases and a fuschia futon with a sky blue coffee table for 500 bones? Honey, can I have the credit card?" Thankfully cooler heads ended up prevailing, though I'm still jonesing for those bookcases.

Nothing appeals to the fascist, control freak consumer in me more than Ikea. They have it all planned out for me from the moment I step through the doors only to be greeted with an escalator. You WILL take that escalator to the third floor. You WILL follow those yellow arrows. You WILL stop at all of our displays, no matter if all your looking for is a pair of oven mitts. Failure to follow protocol, and you'll be forced to eat seven of those goshawful swedish meatball platters they serve at the cafeteria (who planned that menu? "Hmmm, lessee...we have hot dogs, ice cream, cookies, sodas, cinnamon buns...all we're missing are SWEEDISH MEATBALL PLATTERS??!!)

Threats of eating dried up, frozen meatballs aside, I wasn't going to be a pawn in their game this time around. Hand in hand with the kids, I immediately headed off to the bedroom section, thereby passing the living room and bathroom sections altogether. Walking past the computer department, I felt free...liberated...watched. I noticed the stares of the other consumers as I quickly made my way towards the bunkbeds. I could just hear the clucking tongues of the less-enlightened: "Mommy, those guys aren't following the arrows". "Hush child, try not to look them directly in the eye".

We reach the bedroom section with minimal controversy and we find the bunkbeds of choice. On our way down to pay, my wife succumbs to Ikea's seductive charms. Oh, Ikea, you crafty wench, you found her weakness, bric-a-brac decorations. Eh, a small price to pay I figure, so's I throw in a blue, star-shaped night light for the boys' room. All in all, a well-fought battle. Getting it home, upstairs and built...well that's a wholenother story that will have to wait.

OK, e'nuff goofing off. I have a paper to finish.

School, shmool...

I wanna be a race car driver.