Funniest. Movie Review. Ever.

(thanks Duane)

WOO-HOO, START PRINTING THE WORLD SERIES TICKETS

Wow, I can't imagine Emmit Smith in any uniform other than the silver and blue. But then again that's what I said about Montana and Rice when they left the 49'rs and Clemens when he left the Red Sox.

O.K. Dave (or anyother C-boy fan) what's your take on this? I think it's a good move if they get a cheaper and younger guy who's 1-2 years away from breaking out. But really who are they going to get for his replacement? Troy Hambrick? Think again. Or maybe they go for Stephen Davis? Not necessarily a huge upgrade over Smith (think age and injury). Or do the Cowboys draft and if so, who? Do you think he'll resign for less $ (no way).

"THE PHONE LINES ARE OPEN...SAN DIEGO WHAT DO YOU THINK? RANCHO PENASQUITOS, LA JOLLA, SAN MARCOS WHERE ARE YOU? FALLBROOK, SCRIPPS RANCH I KNOW YOU'RE OUT THERE"

Bathtime Conversations
or "Already...but not yet"

Josh: Hey, why do foxes and dogs hate each other?
Me: Um, what do you mean J?
Josh: Well in that movie the fox and the dog hated each other but they were friends when they were little.
Me: Well sometimes dogs are taught by their owners to catch foxes...but they were friends at the end of the movie right?
Josh: Yeah, that's a good lesson.
Me: How so?
Josh: Well, Jesus said we have to love our enemies and do good to them.
Me: (astonished) Wow..that's right Josh!
Josh: ...except when they make us angry, then we have to bop them on the head.

[crying]

It's such a good feeling to know you're alive
It's such a happy feeling, you're growing inside
And when you wake up ready to say
I think I'll make a snappy new day
It's such a good feeling, a very good feeling
The feeling to know that
I'll be back
When tomorrow's new
And I'll have more ideas for you
And you'll have things you'll want to talk about
I
Will
Too.

R.I.P. Mr. Rogers.

[/crying]

All Seafood is Vile

Year: 1984
Offending Culprit: Shark
Offense: Smelling like pee, tasting not much better.
Visual: Gray flaccid meat
Exclamation: “Oh no…oh no-no-no-noooo”
Response: Dry heaves
Lesson learned: When something smells like pee…don’t eat it.

Year:1986
Offending Culprit: Shrimp
Offense: Not being de-veined before eating
Visual: Nice thick layer of brown sludge inside of shrimp upon being opened
Exclamation: “Omigawd…ARE THOSE SHRIMP TURDS I’M EATING"?!!!!
Response: Dry Heaves, brushing teeth, more dry heaves
Lesson learned: Before eating something whole, check for poop.

Year: 1988
Offending Culprit: Mackerel
Offense: Even a thorough coating of Shake-n-Bake couldn’t save it from tasting oily.
Visual: Greasy, crumb-coated, tough to cut fillet
Exclamation: “Ungh...It’s slippery!!! It’s moving around in my mouth!!!”
Response: Dry heaves, dumping bucket of fish into dumpster
Lesson learned: Do not, under any circumstances, eat any fish you catch near the drainage pipes of Seal Beach.

Year: 1997
Offending Culprit: Trout
Offense: Nearly ended my life by choking/starvation
Visual: Whole breaded fish plopped onto my plate (bone/meat ratio was 3:1)
Exclamation: “AAAAAGH” *much gagging* “PTOOOOEY...ummm, there are a lot of bones in this fish”
Response: Dry heaves, picking bones from back of throat
Lesson learned: All seafood is vile

From time to time, I get convicted about my lack of witnessing to others about Christ. This more often than not results in some sort of pietistic guilt trip which leaves me in a discouraged state for some time. Instead of the gospel being a joy to be lived, it becomes a heavy burden and not the light yoke that Christ promised.

Leave it to Doug Wilson to address this issue by writing pithy and sublime pieces like this one. Titled "Guilt-Free Evangelism", Wilson tells us about how the notion that every Christian is supposed to knock on doors and hand out tracts right from the get-go of their "decision to follow Christ" is based upon unbiblical reasoning and completely ignores the aspects of the "many parts, one body" teaching that Paul lillustrated in Eph. 4:7-16.

"Of course, every Christian should be prepared to answer questions when non-believers ask them. We should (all of us) know what we believe and why. We should (all of us) live in a manner that provokes the occasional question about how we believe. Peter is explicit on this point. "But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts: and be ready always to give an answer to every man that asketh you a reason of the hope that is in you with meekness and fear" (1 Pet. 3:15).
But the work of an evangelist, which Paul exhorts Timothy to keep after, is demanding work (2 Tim. 4:5). A man should no more appoint himself to this task than to other callings in the church. Jesus Christ ascended into heaven and gave gifts to men—apostles, prophets, evangelists, and pastor/teachers (Eph. 4:11). If we were to adopt this approach in the other offices, the result would be chaos."

32 POINTS?

Let us mourn the passing of a true American hero.

John McMorran, of Lakeland, considered coffee his elixir and quit cigars at age 97..."He was never sick," a 35-year-old great-granddaughter, Lisa Saxton, told The Ledger of Lakeland. "He lived a great life. Obviously, he was well put together. He smoked cigars, drank beer and ate greasy food. He was an amazing man."

It's a good thing my son doesn't know how to bid on E-bay!

Bid now on this HUGE MONSTER CHEETO

By now you're probably aware of the new movie that Mel Gibson is directing about the last day of Jesus' life. The movie is scheduled to be released on Easter 2004. It looks as if the first shots of the movie are now available.



Wow...just...wow. It looks fairly brutal...which means it will be accurate.

This isn't going to be a easy movie to watch...but you can bet I'll be there opening night.

Check out the new article from Time about the movie.

I am Love incarnate!

SCENE: Karlene is curled up on the couch flipping between “Joe Millionaire” and “The Bachelorette”. Rob comes into the room with a jug of milk.

Rob: So which one did Trista pick again?
Karlene: The nice one…the poet.
Rob: (putting on jacket) Oh the gay dude who looks like Josh Hartnett?
K: He’s not gay.
(At that moment, Josh Hartnett’s gay clone, looks into Trista’s eyes and and feeds her a horribly cheesy line to the effect of “You are the poetry of my soul”.)
R: AHHHH-HA-HA-HA…that guy is sooooo homo. What a load of BS.
K: (angrily) No, no he’s not. He’s sensitive and poetic and you could learn something from him.
R: Oh I think not, (holds up jug of milk) would that guy drive out in the freezing rain at 10 o’clock at night in order to return a jug of milk that has spoiled before the expiration date for Trista? No way. My dear, this guy should take lessons from me.
K: (giggles, shakes head and rolls eyes)
END SCENE

Romance, thy name is Chapa

Blibbedty-Blah

I've been going through a bit of a funk.

I can't help but be a little discouraged when I read the blogs on my "favorites" list. Not because of any fault of their own, but because when I read them I can't help but feel that I'm grossly inadequate in some way. Eveywhere I look there are people who write better than I, who are far smarter when it comes to things like theology, music, history, philosophy or literature. There are people who can express themselves far better than I could ever hope to. I see what and how I would like to be, but I feel light years away from "getting there", to that point where I can feel reasonably satisfied in my competence in writing as well as the other studies I mentioned.

So I get discouraged, even though I know it's silly and immature to think or feel this way. I know that I can only be me and not someone else. I guess you can even say I'm dancing dangerously close to "covetousness". So, I'm not sure I should continue this blog or even reading blogs. I mean if I get that wrapped up in it where I'm starting to have doubts of my own worthiness, well gee, that can't possibly be healthy can it?

On the other hand, I know that the only way to improve on my writing is for me to actually keep writing (funny how that works huh?). The only way for me to grow in the areas of philosphy, theology, et al, is to keep reading and interacting with others and the best places to do that are on blogs and discussion boards. So it's a no-win situation I guess.

Eh, don't mind me...I'm just going through one of my intro-depressive moods. I'll be back to normal after the beer hits the bloodstream.